1.
The committee wants a ditty
And they've asked around the city:
For a wordsmith who is shameless, or anonymous or nameless.
"Now we ought to have a poem...
Maybe Norris (do you know him?) -
Can you find a bone to throw him,
Or a pint of beer to show him?
To miss out would be a pity
And at least he should be witty
And he may emerge in time with something practical and pretty."
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
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2.
I rejoice at the choice:
Do I like to hear my voice?
No-one has to drive a Mazda when they've something by Rolls Royce...
Now writing verse is a curse
But I suppose it could be worse
Mixing rhyming with good timing – but you have to keep it terse.
Though you long to thrill the throng
They won't thank you if you pong:
That precision at revision shows two re-writes make a wrong.
Share a high-five slap
Take a well-deserved nap
This is Drama On Tap...
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
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3.
We've seen Sheen on the screen
Play himself in ev'ry scene
Hoist a pennant too for Tennant – is this how their friendship's been?
That's exciting: we're inviting
And the membership is writing
For a balance, hidden talents find creative fires igniting!
Or, let us say, we've found a play
Should we give it the OK?
Or is it fated to feel dated, should it see the light of day?
Is it bright? (is it trite?)
Is it out of copyright?
Will it entertain the Members on a dreary winter night?
Think of John Man-Chap
And a feather in your cap
Share a high-five slap
Take a well-deserved nap
This is Drama On Tap...
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
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4.
"Well at last we have a cast
(Those 'audition' days are passed)
Let's be nursing and rehearsing for the time is flying fast!
For a perk, would it work
If we practised in the Tuerk?
We'd be fools to break the rules when many other problems lurk.
Without a room for a womb
Let us cheerfully assume
That our crew and players too will be familiar with Zoom!"
Pray for no mishap
Now success is in your lap
Think of John Man-Chap
And a feather in your cap
Share a high-five slap
Take a well-deserved nap
This is Drama On Tap...
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
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5.
Sourcing props without the shops
When imagination stops
Makes it wise to compromise until at last the penny drops.
Will my beard look weird?
(This is something to be feared)
I held my breath playing Death, and as Fabian I jeered
Rather wary, scruffy, hairy
As a fat Midsummer fairy
Or as Nightingale or Torpenhouse with consequences scary!
Will your patience snap?
Get a grip and cut the crap
Pray for no mishap
Now success is in your lap
Think of John Man-Chap
And a feather in your cap
Share a high-five slap
Take a well-deserved nap
This is Drama On Tap
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
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6.
For a set, what we get
Is the room you own or let
Whlle the nooks are filled with books and populated by a pet!
And it galls that our walls
in a colour that appals
End up fighting with the lighting as the darkness slowly falls!
Now my name is the same
As the title on my frame
If I set it and forget it I'll have just myself to blame
And my next appearance may end up theatrical or tame!
We're on a long route map
Have the jab and take a clap
Will your patience snap?
Get a grip and cut the crap
Pray for no mishap
Now success is in your lap
Think of John Man-Chap
And a feather in your cap
Share a high-five slap
Take a well-deserved nap
This is Drama On Tap
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
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7.
If we'd found that merely sound
Was a better bet all round -
I'd spend less, I confess, on buying shirts for just a pound.
Should I care what I wear?
Am I fair or debonair?
Do I dare to cut my hair?
Are my socks a matching pair?
Show good taste above the waist I find, or people only stare.
Nerves wilt, with the guilt
For it only takes a tilt
Of my web-cam to show I am in Speedos and a kilt!
It's a hoax, it's a trap
Just to get you in a flap
We're on a long route map
Have the jab and take a clap
Will your patience snap?
Get a grip and cut the crap
Pray for no mishap
Now success is in your lap
Think of John Man-Chap
And a feather in your cap
Share a high-five slap
Take a well-deserved nap
This is Drama On Tap
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
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8.
Now I sit with my kit
Under-dressed and badly lit
Spending ages turning pages as I wait to do my bit
When the audience is scattered
Their experience is shattered
And the feel isn't real
We never knew how much it mattered!
So here we go - another show -
Do you miss that special glow?
If they're cheering what they're hearing, how are we supposed to know?
Do the sums, ask your chums,
Would they care if no-one comes?
At this hour at the Tower we'd be thinking "seats and bums".
Bite your cue when it's due
For the visual hints are few
So you've read it and you've said before anybody knew!
Can the bandwidth stand
All the action we have planned?
If we mutter will it stutter? - that's a trick that's underhand!
It's a tease: when it sees
That we're only trying to please
As you reach your fav'rite speech you find the bloody thing will free.......eeze!
Now the actors get ambitious: there's a fan club in Mauritius
And an audience in Florida, in Cornwall and in Devon;
If performers crave exposure they must be in seventh heaven...
Never slow up, get this show up, with this tension I may throw up
Or the overloaded software take its chance to crash and blow up!
Give unhappy thoughts a zap
Put reliance on the app
It's a hoax, it's a trap
Just to get you in a flap
We're on a long route map
Have the jab and take a clap
Will your patience snap?
Get a grip and cut the crap
Pray for no mishap
Now success is in your lap
Think of John Man-Chap
And a feather in your cap
Share a high-five slap
Take a well-deserved nap
This is Drama On Tap
This is Drama On Tap
But it's just to fill the gap!
Shh! beware - we're on the air, the suspense I cannot bear
And we're counting from 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.... it's a (w)rap!!
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